I wish I had more time to write my posts. It's difficult, since I am working, going to school, and have children.
I really don't know how I'd get by without my husband. He's a wonderful person, and very helpful. Not only does he do at least his half of the housework (ok, probably more than half), but he takes care of a whole bunch of other things. He does the yardwork, house repairs, and quite a bit of child care - and he's their stepfather. (Stepfather - what a weird term. He is more involved with my kids than their own father was when we were together.) I have to leave very early for work most mornings, so he's the one who gets them off to school. I have no idea what I'd do if he wasn't here. There aren't any daycare centers that I know of that could take care of them in the morning and then get them off to school when it was time. I haven't found an option where I could wait until they left for school before I went to work. Or even one where I could leave late enough every day to drop them off at the before-school program. So, my husband taking care of my children in the morning is the only way I'm able to work.
He also takes care of things I wouldn't know how to do - computer repair, for example. Or like now - there's something weird going on. Water leaking into a room from... we don't know where. He checked something out front to see if there was a blockage in the drain pipe. He's been using the carpet cleaner to suck up the water that's seeping into the carpet in there. I'm not sure what he's going to do next, but I really appreciate what he's doing.
He can fix just about anything. The rest he at least tries to fix. It's saved us a lot of money, which is good. Especially now that we're in a place where money is short. We're scraping by on meager paychecks (working toward better things for both of us), student loans, and overdraft credit cards.
My sweetie does awesome things too. Like yesterday - he gave me a body massage for no reason. And then set up the jacuzzi - we soaked in there together, which was wonderful. I know - most people would figure he was just leading up to sex. Well, he wasn't. First of all, that's not a problem for us. We're quite active, and neither of us has to do anything special to get it started. All either of us has to do is suggest it, and we're there. Nearly every day. Second, he knew that yesterday was one of those few times it wasn't going to happen. Bad cramps are one of the few things that will stop us, and yesterday was one of those days. So, he wasn't desperate, but he also knew it was a "no-go" day. That's what made it even sweeter. A massage and jacuzzi soak just because he loves me.
I love my husband!
Ok, I'd love to write more, but I really have to get back to the paper I'm working on for school. Sigh.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
my husband
This is just one example of why I love my husband so much.
My sister and I were wondering where our father was since no one seemed to be able to reach him for a while. It's not that unusual - he's not always available when his phone rings, and doesn't quite get the whole voice mail system. Anyway, it turns out he had some car problems and was staying with a relative. Since someone had finally reached him, he asked for someone to pick him up and take him home. For us, that would have been a day trip - to drive there, then to his house, and then home would've taken at least 10 hours. My sister told me, though, that someone in the family was already on the way to get him. Someone who lived in the area. So there was no need to go.
The thing is - as soon as my husband heard the beginning of the story, he immediately said we had to leave to go get him. I think that's so sweet. Especially since my husband has only been in the country for a few years, and has only seen my dad on occasion. Oh - and also since my dad is...... well, ..... opinionated. He tends to make comments that offend some people. Since my husband is from a different sort of background than my family, some of those comments were rather insulting to my husband. My husband feels that we don't abandon family even when we're unhappy with something about them.
I agree.
My sister and I were wondering where our father was since no one seemed to be able to reach him for a while. It's not that unusual - he's not always available when his phone rings, and doesn't quite get the whole voice mail system. Anyway, it turns out he had some car problems and was staying with a relative. Since someone had finally reached him, he asked for someone to pick him up and take him home. For us, that would have been a day trip - to drive there, then to his house, and then home would've taken at least 10 hours. My sister told me, though, that someone in the family was already on the way to get him. Someone who lived in the area. So there was no need to go.
The thing is - as soon as my husband heard the beginning of the story, he immediately said we had to leave to go get him. I think that's so sweet. Especially since my husband has only been in the country for a few years, and has only seen my dad on occasion. Oh - and also since my dad is...... well, ..... opinionated. He tends to make comments that offend some people. Since my husband is from a different sort of background than my family, some of those comments were rather insulting to my husband. My husband feels that we don't abandon family even when we're unhappy with something about them.
I agree.
Friday, January 21, 2011
some background (after some rambling)
So, my dear sweet non-existent audience - I'm back!
I'm basically doing an advanced version of what I did as a child. Back then, I composed in my head for a non-existent audience. Now I type it onto a computer.
Ah well. I had hoped to 'blog' more often. At least this time it didn't take me two years...
My life. My messed up life. It's odd - I realized that the things I mentioned previously about how my life sucks aren't the REAL issues. Those are more... involved. More difficult to write about. Not just because of the personal and painful aspects. Also because it's harder to find the right words. I'm not great at picking the right words sometimes.
Of course, it really does suck that I don't love my job. It sucks that I'm in school, busting my ass and going into debt, and am not really sure if I can find a decent job once I'm done, or if I really want to be in the kind of job I might actually be able to get. Like most people, money is an issue right now. So, yeah - there are some sucky (but unfortunately common) aspects of my life. The ones I mentioned.
The big problem I haven't gotten to yet. I'm not ready to write about it yet. I think going over some background can help me get to the point where I can write about it, though.
So, here's the background, or at least part of it to start. The beginning is not all that unusual. I didn't have the worst childhood in the world, but it wasn't the best either. My parents fought. Things were tense. I often sat in my room, alone, with a book as my escape. Eventually, my parents divorced, but I was out of their house by then. I was in college, and had started dating someone I would end up marrying. I wondered later why we ever got married, but eventually realized it was because I (we) thought that's how relationships were - not so great. I guess I just hadn't expected anything better than what I had at the time. But I did my best to make it work. Over the years, we got more and more miserable. Then he filed for divorce. I was nervous about being a divorced single mother, but didn't mourn the marriage. Still, I didn't think I'd ever want to get seriously involved with anyone ever again.
I had heard the old saying about there being someone for everyone (sometimes in a sarcastic way though), but didn't quite believe it (in a serious sense). At least not in the way that everyone can find someone who more or less fits them. I always thought if I found someone (if anyone did), I'd (they'd) have to be prepared to deal with at least one major problem. That's how it was the first time. There were a few things that just couldn't be worked out, and they were major things to us.
Then I met him. A nice guy. It was online - not a dating site or anything like that - just a social site I spent time on for lack of anything better to do. I had never met someone who was so respectful. Better yet, talking with him made me feel more respectful toward myself. I'll skip all the parts I love to tell people, about how we ended up getting together and all of that. It's a different story, maybe for another time. The point is, I ended up finding someone I can imagine being happy with for the rest of my life. We got married, and were and are very happy together. Even more importantly, my kids were happy to have him become part of our lives. My son, especially, just adores him.
So, finally, in my late 30s, I found happiness. A good relationship - good marriage, good family dynamics. Even my friends, parents and siblings like him. Big and little things mesh with us. It just... works. Instead of a relationship that has us drifting apart and getting bored with each other, I'm now finding out how wonderful it can be. We are so content just being next to or near each other, but also love learning more and more about each other. Instead of it getting less interesting, it's actually getting more and more interesting to be with each other. I feel that our bond has strengthened every year. Sad things in my life are still sad, but are more tolerable, because there's someone to love me and support me through them. I feel more tolerant, too. Things that used to bother me seem to have lost their power to drive me to distraction.
I guess that sums up most of the past. Now I'm a person with a wonderful husband, amazing kids, and a better perspective on life. I still don't like my job all that much. There are some enjoyable parts (days), and other times I feel like quitting. I can't imagine doing this too much longer, though. It's stressful, not quite as fulfilling as what I need, and the pay doesn't even come close to what I need. And I don't need much, really. Most of my bills are real necessities - mortgage, insurance, car & related things (gas, repairs), food. Things like that. I hate shopping, and am not 'into' clothes, hangbags and shoes. I'd honestly rather sit around at home in sweat pants, and my old worn out crappy clothes and comfortable shoes. I don't care much about decorating, expensive hobbies, going out, etc. I'm not very picky about food. I have a few things I feel necessary to have - my luxuries - a certain brand of conditioner (about $5-6 at places like KMart for a big bottle - I spring for it because my hair damages easily, but it seems to work) my camera (I'm hoping it keeps holding on until I can afford a replacement - it's at least 6 years old), my cell phone (a very basic one - I don't even like to text), and music. I'm happy with my little iPod shuffle. Oh, and my laptop. That actually is a necessity. I have online classes that end after the library closes - not that I'd want to chance finding an open computer and trying to 'attend' class in public anyway. Oh, and when I DO need to shop, I love bargains. I've never been one to look for the newest/most expensive anything. I love to find the most basic, minimally advanced whatever-it-is, and am happy with that. And it doesn't even have to be new. Used or borrowed works.
I do like to get things for my kids, though. Not the most expensive things in the world, but decent things. I LOVE to buy them books. I'm happy they like to read.
In case you (my non-existent reader) haven't noticed, I ramble alot. Too much. I know. Working on it....sort of. The gist of it all is that, despite my low level of needs, I still don't make enough to pay my bills. My husband was out of work for a while. He went back to school, and is now in a new job in a new field. His income isn't very high either. The two of us aren't exactly bringing in the kind of money we need to live where we do. But my kids are here, and I can't move away with (or from) them. Even if I didn't have a problem with trying to sell my house to relocate. Anyway, that's the main reason I'm back in school now, getting an advanced degree I'm not so sure I want.
But all of that is stuff I can deal with because I love my husband and kids, and I know those problems I mentioned that we're having now will eventually pass. And money and stuff we buy (or don't, because we can't afford to) isn't nearly as important as family.
I'll still complain about those things sometimes, though. I'm human. What can I say?
The big things - the ones bothering me - I'll get to. Later.
I'm basically doing an advanced version of what I did as a child. Back then, I composed in my head for a non-existent audience. Now I type it onto a computer.
Ah well. I had hoped to 'blog' more often. At least this time it didn't take me two years...
My life. My messed up life. It's odd - I realized that the things I mentioned previously about how my life sucks aren't the REAL issues. Those are more... involved. More difficult to write about. Not just because of the personal and painful aspects. Also because it's harder to find the right words. I'm not great at picking the right words sometimes.
Of course, it really does suck that I don't love my job. It sucks that I'm in school, busting my ass and going into debt, and am not really sure if I can find a decent job once I'm done, or if I really want to be in the kind of job I might actually be able to get. Like most people, money is an issue right now. So, yeah - there are some sucky (but unfortunately common) aspects of my life. The ones I mentioned.
The big problem I haven't gotten to yet. I'm not ready to write about it yet. I think going over some background can help me get to the point where I can write about it, though.
So, here's the background, or at least part of it to start. The beginning is not all that unusual. I didn't have the worst childhood in the world, but it wasn't the best either. My parents fought. Things were tense. I often sat in my room, alone, with a book as my escape. Eventually, my parents divorced, but I was out of their house by then. I was in college, and had started dating someone I would end up marrying. I wondered later why we ever got married, but eventually realized it was because I (we) thought that's how relationships were - not so great. I guess I just hadn't expected anything better than what I had at the time. But I did my best to make it work. Over the years, we got more and more miserable. Then he filed for divorce. I was nervous about being a divorced single mother, but didn't mourn the marriage. Still, I didn't think I'd ever want to get seriously involved with anyone ever again.
I had heard the old saying about there being someone for everyone (sometimes in a sarcastic way though), but didn't quite believe it (in a serious sense). At least not in the way that everyone can find someone who more or less fits them. I always thought if I found someone (if anyone did), I'd (they'd) have to be prepared to deal with at least one major problem. That's how it was the first time. There were a few things that just couldn't be worked out, and they were major things to us.
Then I met him. A nice guy. It was online - not a dating site or anything like that - just a social site I spent time on for lack of anything better to do. I had never met someone who was so respectful. Better yet, talking with him made me feel more respectful toward myself. I'll skip all the parts I love to tell people, about how we ended up getting together and all of that. It's a different story, maybe for another time. The point is, I ended up finding someone I can imagine being happy with for the rest of my life. We got married, and were and are very happy together. Even more importantly, my kids were happy to have him become part of our lives. My son, especially, just adores him.
So, finally, in my late 30s, I found happiness. A good relationship - good marriage, good family dynamics. Even my friends, parents and siblings like him. Big and little things mesh with us. It just... works. Instead of a relationship that has us drifting apart and getting bored with each other, I'm now finding out how wonderful it can be. We are so content just being next to or near each other, but also love learning more and more about each other. Instead of it getting less interesting, it's actually getting more and more interesting to be with each other. I feel that our bond has strengthened every year. Sad things in my life are still sad, but are more tolerable, because there's someone to love me and support me through them. I feel more tolerant, too. Things that used to bother me seem to have lost their power to drive me to distraction.
I guess that sums up most of the past. Now I'm a person with a wonderful husband, amazing kids, and a better perspective on life. I still don't like my job all that much. There are some enjoyable parts (days), and other times I feel like quitting. I can't imagine doing this too much longer, though. It's stressful, not quite as fulfilling as what I need, and the pay doesn't even come close to what I need. And I don't need much, really. Most of my bills are real necessities - mortgage, insurance, car & related things (gas, repairs), food. Things like that. I hate shopping, and am not 'into' clothes, hangbags and shoes. I'd honestly rather sit around at home in sweat pants, and my old worn out crappy clothes and comfortable shoes. I don't care much about decorating, expensive hobbies, going out, etc. I'm not very picky about food. I have a few things I feel necessary to have - my luxuries - a certain brand of conditioner (about $5-6 at places like KMart for a big bottle - I spring for it because my hair damages easily, but it seems to work) my camera (I'm hoping it keeps holding on until I can afford a replacement - it's at least 6 years old), my cell phone (a very basic one - I don't even like to text), and music. I'm happy with my little iPod shuffle. Oh, and my laptop. That actually is a necessity. I have online classes that end after the library closes - not that I'd want to chance finding an open computer and trying to 'attend' class in public anyway. Oh, and when I DO need to shop, I love bargains. I've never been one to look for the newest/most expensive anything. I love to find the most basic, minimally advanced whatever-it-is, and am happy with that. And it doesn't even have to be new. Used or borrowed works.
I do like to get things for my kids, though. Not the most expensive things in the world, but decent things. I LOVE to buy them books. I'm happy they like to read.
In case you (my non-existent reader) haven't noticed, I ramble alot. Too much. I know. Working on it....sort of. The gist of it all is that, despite my low level of needs, I still don't make enough to pay my bills. My husband was out of work for a while. He went back to school, and is now in a new job in a new field. His income isn't very high either. The two of us aren't exactly bringing in the kind of money we need to live where we do. But my kids are here, and I can't move away with (or from) them. Even if I didn't have a problem with trying to sell my house to relocate. Anyway, that's the main reason I'm back in school now, getting an advanced degree I'm not so sure I want.
But all of that is stuff I can deal with because I love my husband and kids, and I know those problems I mentioned that we're having now will eventually pass. And money and stuff we buy (or don't, because we can't afford to) isn't nearly as important as family.
I'll still complain about those things sometimes, though. I'm human. What can I say?
The big things - the ones bothering me - I'll get to. Later.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Can I turn my life around?
Ok, so I fucked up. Big time. I'm not sure exactly how I got here, but here I am. I would love to be like those people you read about - hit rock bottom, then found "the way". Whatever it is for them - a new invention, idea, career - whatever. Something that 'saved' them, and made all their dreams come true.
My life is a mess. Not a total mess, but a big mess. I love my husband and my children. They really do make it worth getting up in the morning. The rest sucks, though. I have a low paying job that I hate, and it doesn't come close to covering my bills. Dealing with my ex is the worst part, though. I love my children SO much. But my ex is rich, and has managed to get 'primary' custody - if you call having the children at his house for his wife or a babysitter to watch, making them sit (bored) in his office, or constantly sending them to friends' houses for 'playdates' "having custody". He doesn't care about those kids - he just wanted to stop paying child support. I wouldn't care, except that my kids are regressing since the change in schedule (I used to have more time with them), but I don't have the money to go to court to try to get more time with them. I won't even (yet) get into the other problems.
I want to get somewhere in life, so I decided to go back to school. The problem is, I don't really know what I want to do. So I enrolled for a master's degree in my field. Yeah, the one I don't like. I didn't know what else to do. I needed to do something.... This is pathetic, I know, but I knew if I went back to school, I could borrow extra to help cover my bills, and also get health insurance. I know, bad reasons to go back to school. And a piss poor way to manage my bills. But I didn't know what else to do.
So, here I am. Taking classes to do something I don't enjoy. Working at a low paying job that I hate most of the time. Getting myself deeper and deeper into debt. Oh, and the extra student loans aren't even covering my bills anymore - now (for the first time in my life) I'm carrying credit card debt. I'll pay it off when my next student loan comes in, and try again to keep from carrying a balance before the next student loan disbursement.
Here's the best part. I recently talked to someone in the field - someone who has the degree I'm working on. She said it's really difficult to get a job in that field. Took her a long time. She said most jobs are part time. I've known her for a long time. We used to hang out in college, but I don't see her as often now. I know she's not just trying to rain on my parade - I know I can trust her. She didn't tell me about this before I enrolled, but then again, I didn't ask her.
Great. Just great. Now what? It's a little too late to drop out now - plus, I need the loan money and the health insurance. I guess I could wait until the end of the semester, and just quit in May.... then what? I wasn't able to get a permanent full time job before I started school. I tried for more than a year. Now I only have some part time, temp work to put on my resume. I can't imagine that I'm that much more employable now than I was a year or two ago. I might actually be less employable. Hard to say.
If I was alone, it wouldn't be so hard. I could live in a tiny apartment, and wouldn't need much to get by. But it's a little different with a family and a mortgage.
I realize I haven't posted in a long time. I just didn't realize it had been more than 2 years. 2 long years. I had to figure out even how to log in to post. I hope to make this a more regular thing. I think I need it. I want to see if I can turn my life around. I'm not some super woman who has some great idea about how to fix everything. I'm not stupid, but I really don't know how to handle certain things in life. I don't have "street smarts", rich relatives, a mentor, or anyone to help me navigate this process. I love my husband, but he's still relatively new to the country, so he often looks to me for advice. I have a few friends I can call sometimes, but they're the kind who listen (which is helpful) more than the kind who can guide me in the right direction.
So, here's my experiment. Will I be better off by the end of 2011, or not? Funny - I didn't plan for this to be a "New Year's" thing. It's just the way it worked out. Some ... recent events brought this all out - a letter from someone was a big part of it, and something I heard from my lawyer was another part.
Well, I hope that writing things down helps me out, and that life gets better. If someone somewhere out there reads this, and it somehow helps... well, that would be great.
My life is a mess. Not a total mess, but a big mess. I love my husband and my children. They really do make it worth getting up in the morning. The rest sucks, though. I have a low paying job that I hate, and it doesn't come close to covering my bills. Dealing with my ex is the worst part, though. I love my children SO much. But my ex is rich, and has managed to get 'primary' custody - if you call having the children at his house for his wife or a babysitter to watch, making them sit (bored) in his office, or constantly sending them to friends' houses for 'playdates' "having custody". He doesn't care about those kids - he just wanted to stop paying child support. I wouldn't care, except that my kids are regressing since the change in schedule (I used to have more time with them), but I don't have the money to go to court to try to get more time with them. I won't even (yet) get into the other problems.
I want to get somewhere in life, so I decided to go back to school. The problem is, I don't really know what I want to do. So I enrolled for a master's degree in my field. Yeah, the one I don't like. I didn't know what else to do. I needed to do something.... This is pathetic, I know, but I knew if I went back to school, I could borrow extra to help cover my bills, and also get health insurance. I know, bad reasons to go back to school. And a piss poor way to manage my bills. But I didn't know what else to do.
So, here I am. Taking classes to do something I don't enjoy. Working at a low paying job that I hate most of the time. Getting myself deeper and deeper into debt. Oh, and the extra student loans aren't even covering my bills anymore - now (for the first time in my life) I'm carrying credit card debt. I'll pay it off when my next student loan comes in, and try again to keep from carrying a balance before the next student loan disbursement.
Here's the best part. I recently talked to someone in the field - someone who has the degree I'm working on. She said it's really difficult to get a job in that field. Took her a long time. She said most jobs are part time. I've known her for a long time. We used to hang out in college, but I don't see her as often now. I know she's not just trying to rain on my parade - I know I can trust her. She didn't tell me about this before I enrolled, but then again, I didn't ask her.
Great. Just great. Now what? It's a little too late to drop out now - plus, I need the loan money and the health insurance. I guess I could wait until the end of the semester, and just quit in May.... then what? I wasn't able to get a permanent full time job before I started school. I tried for more than a year. Now I only have some part time, temp work to put on my resume. I can't imagine that I'm that much more employable now than I was a year or two ago. I might actually be less employable. Hard to say.
If I was alone, it wouldn't be so hard. I could live in a tiny apartment, and wouldn't need much to get by. But it's a little different with a family and a mortgage.
I realize I haven't posted in a long time. I just didn't realize it had been more than 2 years. 2 long years. I had to figure out even how to log in to post. I hope to make this a more regular thing. I think I need it. I want to see if I can turn my life around. I'm not some super woman who has some great idea about how to fix everything. I'm not stupid, but I really don't know how to handle certain things in life. I don't have "street smarts", rich relatives, a mentor, or anyone to help me navigate this process. I love my husband, but he's still relatively new to the country, so he often looks to me for advice. I have a few friends I can call sometimes, but they're the kind who listen (which is helpful) more than the kind who can guide me in the right direction.
So, here's my experiment. Will I be better off by the end of 2011, or not? Funny - I didn't plan for this to be a "New Year's" thing. It's just the way it worked out. Some ... recent events brought this all out - a letter from someone was a big part of it, and something I heard from my lawyer was another part.
Well, I hope that writing things down helps me out, and that life gets better. If someone somewhere out there reads this, and it somehow helps... well, that would be great.
Friday, December 12, 2008
trying to get a Sears credit card
So, my husband applied for a Sears credit card through KMart. He got a letter in the mail a few days later saying the application could not be approved, and the reason given didn’t make any sense to us. It stated “unable to comply with consumer statement”.
I know he has excellent credit, and there was no reason he shouldn't have been approved. I didn't want to give up so easily.
I called the number on the letter, but could only get a computer voice - no actual person. I even went back to the store to ask about it, but got no help, other than a phone number. I called the number, got transferred, etc. I finally found out what I wanted to know after calling 1-800-663-4850. For some weird reason, Equifax told the credit card company that there was a statement on his credit report that someone would have to contact him for verification before any credit could be issued. I’m quite sure there is no statement on his account - we even got the free report we’re allowed for the ‘denial’ of credit - no consumer statement on there. Well, anyway, once he talked to the lady on the phone, the card was approved, and should be here within 10 days.
I thought this information could be very helpful to some people. When he got the letter, I googled “unable to comply with consumer statement” - even added the quotes, and it came up with just one site - someone posted the question on a forum several years ago, and there was no real answer given - just some speculation. So, if anyone else out there (according to the website I did find, and things I heard when asking around, apparently it’s rather common with this company), maybe I can spare them the run around. I already did it - why should anyone else have to? So, the end result is, if you get a letter like that, call 1-800-663-4850, and answer some questions. There’s at least some chance that you will then be approved.
Good luck!
I know he has excellent credit, and there was no reason he shouldn't have been approved. I didn't want to give up so easily.
I called the number on the letter, but could only get a computer voice - no actual person. I even went back to the store to ask about it, but got no help, other than a phone number. I called the number, got transferred, etc. I finally found out what I wanted to know after calling 1-800-663-4850. For some weird reason, Equifax told the credit card company that there was a statement on his credit report that someone would have to contact him for verification before any credit could be issued. I’m quite sure there is no statement on his account - we even got the free report we’re allowed for the ‘denial’ of credit - no consumer statement on there. Well, anyway, once he talked to the lady on the phone, the card was approved, and should be here within 10 days.
I thought this information could be very helpful to some people. When he got the letter, I googled “unable to comply with consumer statement” - even added the quotes, and it came up with just one site - someone posted the question on a forum several years ago, and there was no real answer given - just some speculation. So, if anyone else out there (according to the website I did find, and things I heard when asking around, apparently it’s rather common with this company), maybe I can spare them the run around. I already did it - why should anyone else have to? So, the end result is, if you get a letter like that, call 1-800-663-4850, and answer some questions. There’s at least some chance that you will then be approved.
Good luck!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
my first blog
I love the idea of being able to say what is on my mind, anonymously. I have no idea if anyone will read any of my posts, or care. Or if anyone who actually reads them will agree or disagree. But, to borrow some words from "the sunscreen song", all I can say is that this has no basis other than my own meandering experience. Some things I post in the future might have more to do with my thoughts than my actual experiences. I hope to remember to make sure to let people know when that's the case.
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